Bombed out, bullet-stained apartments
Justified in the name of democracy or greed or so many things
One government building
Hits so close to home.
Pull out a line of empty chairs for Iraqi children?
Freeze their moment? No, it is over, Mission Accomplished.
Ash silhouettes, flatlined dead we call our own...
America missed the joke.
Timothy McVeigh (II)
As if, as the TV says,
Violence could be redemptive...
If Fight Club is a good movie,
Is OKC a tragedy?
If the only way to get someone to listen
Is blowing up children...
But nobody's listening,
They just see a demon mug-shot,
Faces, still and dead.
Your cold brutality,
Foolish idealist!
As if, as the government says,
violence could be redemptive.
(II) grabs the gut by way of popular culture, and wrestles it into the cold by way of social politics. I like it for the directness of the question (ln 3-4). It also gives enough of a direct comment on McVeigh's comments for it to feel personal. That balance makes it work - between the head challenge and the personal reveal. Repetition 'They/They' read weaker than the rest, as 'They just see the' swallows the majority of the line.
ReplyDelete(I) doesn't have the same balance that (II) does and floats a little. The weakness of seeing multiple distant buildings vs. the tie down to the single, close building is the point, but when that focus widens again to 'children' and 'homes' that movement flounders a bit.
Really troubling. Really strong in directness.
Thanks for the feedback. I edited both and wrote a third poem.
ReplyDeleteWhoa. 'Ash silhouettes' is really strong.
ReplyDeleteBoth of these read with more force. The thought is definitely big enough for more.