Ash Wednesday Collage

Commissioned by Michelle Hindman

I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown.
Who is the betrayer?
Who's the killer in the crowd?
The one who creeps in corridors
And doesn't make a sound

I've gotta climb to the top
Never stop til I reach it
Til I feel that I'm good
And that I'm in control
Ring around the rosy, pocket full of
Ammunition, it's our condition
Know thyself
I do not hope to know again

You gotta be good
You gotta be strong
You gotta be 2000 places at once

Time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
A sin inside, sinful, sinning
Tremble little Lion Man, you're not as brave as you were
At the start, He was there,
Always watching,
Adam, where are you?
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Because I do not hope to turn
I'm gonna leave you the first chance I get
You prefer the light of your TV
To the star, multi-foliate rose.
We are formed of everything we love.
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a God who's just out to give a fuck

I am fine
Everything's gonna be alright,
Rock a bye, baby, treetop,
When the bow breaks,
I am fine
Every little things gonna be alright
Jesus is coming
I am fine
I just need one hundred dollars
My powdered-sugar funnel cake cocaine
I am fine
Clean everything
And make it seem
Like we never really needed it anyway.

Just stop and go and stop and go til you can't go anymore
We never really needed it anyway
Sick cycle carousel
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
A repeating record, a happy-meal toy with a talkbox
"I love you"
Let's just keep touching, let's just keep, keep singing.
I'm gonna leave you.

Pray to God to have mercy upon us
And pray that I may forget
Because I do not hope to turn again
Addiction is symptomatic, not manic,
Addiction is a coping habit, it surfaces from time to time
In time I am lost, in time I will be the chief of sinners again
In time I am
adam
the demon sleeps inside,
don't wake it baby, dark-haired mistress,
I couldn't feel so I tried to touch
Don't wake up, sleeping sphinx
Slouching towards Bethlehem
Christ behind a purple shroud.
Salvation prayer placebos and theologies of assurance
Keep us safe and sound
Far from your arms.

Death by water, the hope only of empty men.
I made a lot of mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes.
This will be my last confession
I love you never felt like any blessing
It was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line.
Between the porch and the altar, the priests weep
"Spare us oh Lord, your people"
Nothing here is mine,
There is none right.
I see Hitler in the mirror, Nero,
My cousin the "murderer,"
Of these I am the chief
Tim McVeigh, John Wayne Gacy Jr.
And on my best behavior,
I am really just like them.
My weakness I feel I must finally show
I am not who you think I am
Righteous rags, righteous trash
Rushing helter skelter to destruction with fingers in ears
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us

Where will the word
Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence
No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise

Cross my arms across my chest,
Cross the ash upon my breast
Genuflect to salvations past,
Escape to future fancies
No nearer. Not that fateful meeting.
This is not a gift I can accept, but I appreciate the sentiment
My love is vain, my love is a sordid string of adulteries
And omissions of heart, head, soul and strength, not good enough,
My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

You should have tied that weight, tied it around my legs
(Look beneath the floorboards for secrets I have hid)
Instead you took my place, at the bottom of the lake
I renounce the voice, any impetus
i do not exist
Shut up if you want to get paid
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Sweet/salty spring, one breath, one singing
I'm gonna leave you the first chance I get
I will die all alone,
Everyone does, the moment after.
And is it worth the wait
All this killing time?

Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still.
To stop breathing, Redeem the time.
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Suffer me not to be separated
And let my cry come unto Thee.
This light is too slight to hold back all my dark.
In the hollow round of my skull.
Shall these bones live?

we are all lepers here overcome by our fear of pain let us remain, numb
too real we can not feel our hands already froze holding our bloodless hearts, dear
pumping liquified apathy through our veins hands frozen to heart now we can hold
nothing else but the soothing lack of pulse still beating us we are all lepers here

Proffer my deeds to oblivion, and my love
To the posterity of the desert and the fruit of the gourd.
And God said
Prophesy to the wind, to the wind only for only
The wind will listen.

Sound the simple ash. (put on sacks)
Sound the cymbal clash, without love I am.
Wavering between the profit and the loss
The dreamcrossed twilight between birth and dying.
Sprinkle the ash on good soil, rocky soil, road,
I hope it can choke out the thorns I love.
Mercy, cover me, kill me quickly,
Because I do not hope to turn (change my heart)
Because I do not hope to die.

Solemn bell tolls deep, the ash crosses me in my sleep
Blessed is the mourning, we need help, we're still lost still
Grasping dust atoms, polar forces, the devil is raging inside me
and God? Rage on, rage on, Blessed is the mourning, my love
Flood us with Fire consume with Your raging Waters to keep us breathing give us Your feeling
Flood us with Fire consume with Your raging waters to keep us bleeding (breathe Life)
Spare us save us love us tame us
Mercy, our only hope.
Ashes, ashes,
We all fall down.