Cupped head in a half-lemon
Even though I shouldn't compost flesh
Cross myself, a little reverence
As I lay you in the grass
Maggots roll you over in your bed
You'll never fly again my little omen
Gold cap on a stately grey crest
You'll never open up curious eyes
To see the soil become a garden
I will see you in flowers
I will see you in the sunlight upon them
Oh little phoenix
Will you rise again?
You're far too small for such
a grand thing as heaven.
God please open up a gate, a little crack in the fence
For me and my tiny feathered friend
My shrill twits and all the things I believe
Aren't the kind of songs to sing on Golden ave.
So when you lay me in the earth
Let me wake up close to ground
A little sand, some trees, the flowers, the compost heap
And new wings for the friend I've found.
Cool, I like it. Had to read the title again when I had finished, just to check that I was understanding it. cool
ReplyDeleteAfter the power of the opening (first three lines are great - good sound, good image), the second stanza is a little weak, especially because while s2l2 is a repetition in image of s1l1, it doesn't add much to it except for 'gold' which bring to mind crowning, or something royal, which does come back later on, but I want more out of it. Maybe something other than a repetition of little?
ReplyDeleteI suppose littleness is something of a theme here, but maybe it's emphasized enough already?
Great finish - 'Golden ave', 'till me under too', and then 'wake up close to the group' are my favorites. Great internal connections. Strong sense of action with a scene. I can feel it there.
Thanks Carl, I did an edit for you, I think it's stronger.
ReplyDelete