The Grey Lakes

Your eyes are like
A rainy day
Smooth mirrored lakes of
Greys reflected on greys
Your hands hardly tremble,
But your eyes
Thunderstorm, thaw, and
Bloom into
Laughing springs
Each day.

I don't think God listens to me.

So...I don't think God listens to me.
Cuz I really want to be perfect, but I still mess up.
I told him I'm okay if I don't get recognition,
Expecting that it would come.
I've sacrificed and embraced times of poverty, thinking
From here "Things can only go up"
I've left behind everyone I loved,
Saying "he'll provide."
I've thrown myself around the globe, denied myself, denied, denied,
Thinking some day we would make it,
Some day there'll be security,
I just had to GET there right?
And if I walk in faith, I'll certainly find an audience for my art, a spouse to love, a community that adores me, and at least, ya know, one or two of the things I want.

And he says my weakness is perfect,
He calls me to worship, and rebukes my desire for glory.
He shows me the example of St. Francis, and reminds me "Blessed poor, blessed poor in Spirit."
At best, says he, I'll earn a place,
As a toilet cleaner of the Lord, someone who knows his place,
And did what he was told.
Life isn't safe, and I've begged for peace, but shrunk away from the Lord.   I've prayed and prayed for joy, keeping him at arms' length until he forks it over.

And the end of all our journeying, is to realize, that all this time, we've been looking for that place where we began.  All this time, I've asked "where to?"  "What next?"  And He's says "Let me go with you."  I say, "we'll see I guess, it depends if things get stressful." I ask for safety, joy, and peace, He repeatedly says "I am."   He scoffs at my scrabbling for love and attention, and isn't impressed at all.

I mean, I pray all the time "You are enough" but I don't really mean it.  What I really mean is, I like the gifts you give me, and they haven't run out so far.  And I'm still terrified of my freedom, I'm terrified of submission, I'm not sure I could relive the pains that we've been through.

I know now You're my only hope, but give me five minutes, I'll hedge my bets.  You're the one I've been looking for all this time, but I so often reject Your advances.  I want things to be safe, and not to have to worry.  You say "Okay, don't worry" and I know better than to know that this will be an easy journey.

What have I on earth but you?  What have I in heaven but you?  You are my only hope and only fear, more than enough, I repent, knowing that you are merciful and loving, and that my complaints are just whining when the source of everything I truly sought for, is right here, as at every minute of my life, only a prayer away.

A Penny for Old Nate

Man you should listen some Cursive cuz
"We all know art is hard
When we don't know who we are"
And we're standing on a stage.
So now you got your number ones even though you
Know "Be Calm"
Was a far much more amazing song.

Perhaps I aim and miss, perhaps you're counterfeit,
But you know what makes you different is you sing with knees and guts,
I'm not trying to be snide, and you defs have every right,
To tie this round a stone, and aim, ignite.

What do you stand for?
I think that you should know.
And if you lost yourself well maybe you should
Quit the road.
You've got just this one life man,
And f* it, they're just fans,
They don't need you, they don't love you,
They're just looking for a trip.

What's left to lose?
You'd done enough so long ago.
Now what--you still trying--to prove?
Out the desert to that river
Self-fulfilling prophecy, chasing off your friends and you
Say it's all alright, then why you yellin bout it?
Seems you never made your way out to the sun.

Round and round the prickly pear
You're looking death right in the eye
Looking at the stars, but far too daft to pray,
Far too proud to try to heal and change.
And all your petty sins, yelling them out on the stage,
You know that you become the things you sing.

Accusations for a God
Because some prick says things ya don't like
Falling for the lie
That there are only two here sides,
Like we're all just
Saints and sinners lined up on both sides of the bar.
Man, it's time to grow up
And deal with stars out on your own,
Glendale's the burbs, you gotta get out to the rim.
Get a mirror and some fresh air,
You know, we're living in the sky.
Go pick a barfight with the devil or the Lord.

And as for your friends, well,
I don't know what they did,
But singing out this shit,
Ain't changing anything.
Got problems with the system,
Well, go get political,
Instead of singing bout one night stands
Like that makes your poetry better.
When you know, you know you know that's just what sells.
Yeah, you've been there now.
No heart, bright lights, I hope you don't lose your eyes.
If you really want to change well that's something that
You gotta choose yourself.
Or just grab another cigarette, some booze,
And sing about regrets until black carriage.

What do you stand for?
I think that you know.
Dollar bills and one-night thrills, regrets--
Pop music written well.
What's left to lose?
You've done enough so long ago,
You're always drowning out the desert of the soul.
Always losing control, in hopes that lets you off the hook.

What do you stand for?
I think you should know.
What do you stand for?
I think that you know.
What do you stand for?
I think that you know.