Bread-winner

I'll be your old bread-winner
If you'll be my stepford wife
I'll go out and make-a-da money
Even wear a suit and tie
Long as you're there waiting
Barefoot with a pie
Oh I'll be your old bread-winner
If you'll be my stepford wife

I'll check all my opinions
At the altar, just to be safe
I'll pretend I don't have insecurities,
Who knows? I might even shave!
I'll be your DiCaprio
I'll work out five times a day
I'll be your Superman
If you'll be my playboy playmate

I'll go through all the motions
Just to make you feel okay
Buy you blood diamonds, kitchen towels,
And chocolate made by slaves
I'll be upstanding, play the game
Cross my fork right on my plate
I'll watch crappy chick romances
So you can feel escape.
I'll go to the oxygen bar,
Just in hopes that I could breathe.

If clichés are romantic,
You should dye your hair to blond.
Change your name to Jessica
And you can call me Bond.
I certainly wouldn't like you,
Might not even recognize you,
Oh I'll be everything you wanted,
When pigs fly out of the sun.

I guess if we're being honest
Commitment and tradition scare me
I'm afraid you'll be a boulder
Crashing right through my sails
I'm not saying that settling down
Doesn't sound alright with me
But picket fences don't serve no purpose
And I won't buy you a diamond ring.

But I'll be your background singer,
Your dear and closest friend
I'll take you on adventures,
When you're scared I'll hold your hand
I'll step on toes, make you angry,
Make you happy, make you sad,
And when the bananas go black,
I will make banana bread.