The Cold War

Russians fear the cold, the floor,
it will make you sterile
I think the strangest culture shock is
I can't tell if these people are Americans or Russians,
As if Hollywood or Madison Ave won the war? Both nations fall.

We got on the train, just having a Russian conductor there made me nervous...
then a whole company of soldiers boarded behind us. We barely batted an eye.

My mother hid under her schooldesk yearly
Because someone over here was pointing nukes at
someone pointing nukes at someone and my Father
was taught Russian so he could keep a close eye on the
comings and goings and mutterings of Sovremenny's and
Migs. Today at church the lady leading worship, I think she's in a
metal band she works at the local tank factory her boss is old KGB.
(Given Bush Sr. and Putin's backgrounds, perhaps the war was won
by intelligence agencies)

As for me--I visit in summer--sweating out the heat somewhere not quite
to Siberia--we're working together in so many things--to look at this people: so arrogant,
brilliant, productive, ignorant, patriotic, cynical, beautiful--so much like Americans--it's hard not to
laugh, to feel a little disgust, to fall in love...One wonders if American politicians had
visited Sochi and the Crimea instead of Moscow and St. Pete, or if Russians were received
in Malibu and West Palm Beach (instead of NY and DC), if the whole mess would've blown
over fifty years ago. But empire, I guess, is a powerful thing. The Americans are in Afghanistan now,
the Lithuanians are free. We search for new ghosts although the statues of Lenin are
still standing. It's hard to understand--what it means to be free
when my friends all talk of moving to where grasses are green,
and one can buy Converses, Hummers, and watch American Dad while all of us Yanks are
in debt to the credit card companies. At the first McDonald's in Moscow in 1990, some people ordered
every menu item on the first day, just to try everything.
After KFC, my Muscovite friends invite me over to their place to play Texas Hold Em Poker,
eat Pringles and Coca-Cola, and watch a b-grade Hollywood movie.
Coke conquers all. And Wal-Mart's economy is in the top 40,
people stopped wanting to conquer and warmed to buying.
The great society, a world appeased.

I fear the war in my heart. The relativity. The corruption and greed. The judging.
The cold.
I fear that sometime my knees will not deign to touch the floor, nor
my socks be allowed to touch poverty.
I'm afraid of what the Cheeseburgers and B-grade movies and easy chairs
might do to me.

The Strongest Guy I Know

You're gonna be poor for the next few years.
Being poor sucks...you finally get some money and
all you want to do is spend it, because you know it's
all gonna go away soon, you know you should buy some
new socks but hell no one sees the bottoms anyway, and
music is nicer to have. My grandma gave me money for socks,
I bought mp3s. The thing that really sucks about being poor
is what it does to your head. You think you don't belong in the stores,
you're kinda afraid people might kick you out,
you feel like you're getting away with something all the time,
if only they knew. You don't go out with your friends because
you don't have cash. You don't invite people over.
Old things wear out and you have to
make tough choices. Keep on being poor. Even when you're making money,
Live full, but stay poor for a while. Making bread takes time.

But you're gonna make it. You're the strongest guy I know.
Don't be too strong to love somebody someday,
But don't be stupid and get a girl pregnant if ya ain't ready
to pay child support. You're not ready to be a father yet.
You'll be afraid when you do become one, and you won't be ready then
either. It's okay, no one ever is. Nobody really knows what they're
doing here in grown-up land, we're all faking it,
figuring it out over and over or sticking with what we
know cuz that's more convincing and hell, if you're getting retirement and
health the 'rents won't worry and you'll be set up.
But that's not what I'm talking about.
Jobs is easy, they're just work.
We face our biggest enemies when we brush our teeth and comb out
tangled hair. You ain't got nothing to prove,
just a life to live. You are already changing the world,
though you might not see it yet. How will you change it?
Don't be afraid to let yourself be loved, it's the only way to love.

You've been a complete jerk to me.

Your wall says "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfect in weakness."
I've never seen you let yourself be weak, it's okay to fail,
and He is strong enough to save. Strong enough that you can be perfect
in the middle of all that mess of doubts and trying too hard and self-defeating yourself.
It's okay to be a mess, just gotta keep moving, get up,
You're gonna make it. You're the strongest guy I know,
You're gonna be old. You're gonna be a hillarious grandpa, the kids will call you crazy,
But you'll be their favorite. You'll surprise yourself when you fall in love,
When you caress your wife's cheek on your wedding day.
You'll scare yourself when you lash out at her, and you'll hate yourself and
want to run away. Don't, there are enough
kids around here without Dads.

Basically, life's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be a lot of work,
and like I said work is easy, but the work it takes to love and be loved,
to create family and community, that's something else...
But you're gonna make it. You're the strongest guy I know.

Моя Сестра

Whispers. We need to hurry on the cake.
She has to be back by nine.

К сожленно, нам нушно уидтй,
мы уже опаздал.

Wristwatches

Я не хочу домой.

Я знаю.

Пошли. Let's go,
Legs under my hands,
head resting just beneath my right shoulder.
You sing-speak
"Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to Kate.
Happy birthday to James.
Happy birthday Miškas."

"James, my present"
I thought she was concerned because of the rain, that
the gift bag she was holding around my neck,
would get wet.
" Kate, my present."
" Steve, my present."
"Diana, my present."
"Miškas, my present."
Yes, even the family cat was claimed as a piece of
her birthday gift.

She could've cared less about the toys.
And did she deserve anything less than us?
Your sister saw profound wisdom, that you saw that God's true gifts were not
puzzles to play with but people.

"Домой, я не хочу. I don't like children's house,
I like Neumann."

Я знаю. I know.
Emma asked if these were all your brothers and sisters, these
other children.

You were so disinterested with cake, songs, presents.
You wanted us. A family your own for three hours two days after your
actual birthday. Father.
Have mercy
on us.

Twenty-Three

Twenty-three is too old for prom, too young for golf,
I've graduated from college, but I'm no adult,
The kids say "that's mad old"
But the elders still see me as very young
And I am restless, I am fickle, I am unsteady, and
difficult to count on. I'm very smart
But hardly wise, my hands and mouth
move like a toddler, learning to walk,
announcing their every thought.

Stephanie says I'm far too young to get married.
The elders think I'm getting old.
Southern parents pressure girls, who
instead want to move to New York.

I think I'd rather hang out with seventh graders, but
I'm no Peter Pan, I want to grow and grow and grow,
And never grow up, always growing softer, old
more childlike than before.

Trains come and Go

Trains come and go
I feel the rumbling down below
I'm hungry, home
Bittersweet contradiction
We were finding ourselves in these last
moments and
Now they have passed along
Aftermath of leavings flooded all last
year and I felt this year
just might spark me to life. It did,
now I am poured out. Tsunami
the ripples lives changed, faces, dreams,
God was speaking, but it's the stillness after the
storm that's devastating me.

Sky shapes, smiles, you saw a heart
I saw a beast Stars golden glow
Homework Godparents Farewells
I wish I listened better
You're such a boy, I'm such a
girl, emotions run red eyes the moment
I have space beyond, duty calling,
and you are gone.

Golden

Regal, resolute, golden sails unfurled in a glossy sky
I, sit at attention, watch the ships turn
Northward, then they drift into the sunrise,
a patterned carpet, blue and white,
and somewhere in the depths, a pearl
sparks morning light.

This harbour, busy as Boston, knows no commerce,
Just the people passing by,
A fleet crosses the Styx, an Augustinian
Armada of yellow leaves like dead newspaper clippings at sea.

Trust

A woman I was considering marrying
(by which I mean, I was going to ask her out to coffee when appropriate)
Made a comment that my love for children made me sound
Like a child molester. I don't think I've forgiven her,
And muttered something about Alyosha Karamazov,
that what I loved about the young is that they are honest,
They don't know how to pretend,
And they are ready and willing to try new things and have fun.
They are willing to trust.
Anyone who is around children knows it's not dreamlike,
Not easy, not birds and butterflies,
Kids. It's more like spit-up and tantrums,
hide and seek, and you can be yourself
Because everyone else is already being themselves.
She felt guilty and awkward and glanced away,
I was still talking.
(by which I mean, I was trying to tell her that what she said hurt)