After Mar Adentro
"A sailor went to sea"
See, smoke swirls calmly
the moment after
Rose, the thorn that breaks
a balloon
The hired help, the sea drowning
Float silent, neck trauma
Who are you? Savior?
The one born of flesh
Rosa, multi-foliate
Blooms
Full of grace
Beautiful petals
Love sans sex
Without the possibility
Love without doubt,
True love? (or only word love
something called love incarnate)
The law pertains to the spiritual
The courts and the wounds of the mind
The cage between the temples
The bird hope, hoping
For the exhale that snuffs the candle
Father, I commend my spirit to the empitness
Hey there sailor,
so far away amongst stars
Where you going Earendil?
How much time between the blinks of your eyes
Leading the captives in his refrain over the waves
My life in hell
The book says
You don't stop to think about how we love you,
That I, frustrated woman that I am,
Have the hope of living
Of seeing you again,
My son. My love.
Julia amongst the leaves
That which is possible
He closed the door, close your mouth
Against love's kiss.
Kiss death.
Close the book
Close the law
And at the end, how does it feel?
Did you live according to the flesh?
Why not write a flood of poems?
Don't you have another
For another day?
That you desire an end
This I understand
But possibilities in hand
I always think of what might possibly
I'm confused
Why leave?
Julia is sick.
She forgot everything the paper in front of her eyes
She doesn't feel I don't feel anything
Only absence
Stretch sails over a cross
A little foam on the pen
Under your neck, Sailor
A pillow of foam
Dead gladiator on the sand fighting death
You wrote the pain that
Life wasn't worth it
You died so we could die
In peace, with dignity
You didn't leave us here alone?
No.
I wait for wind's blow.
Actually wrote this one in Spanish, but I haven't got the Spanish checked yet, and the Crow himself couldn't understand it en español, so I translated...
ReplyDeleteI've read this eight or ten times now and you're right - this is one of the strongest you've written in a while. Not always clear, but with a few crisp images and great layers. Thorn/balloon is your best, I think. Mary/Christ with Rose/Ramón is really interesting. I'm still thinking about it. How far do you take it? How far do I want to take it myself? An interesting dynamic especially because 'what can I contribute to other lives?' was not really a concern for Ramón. Really interesting integration. I can almost read this as a Pietà.
ReplyDeleteTwo things that get my goat a bit are the Earendil reference and the last line. I like the idea of alluding to Tolkien, and I'll always say to give it a try, but it just doesn't seem to fit here. Maybe phonetically it works with the Spanish, but it's just too strange in the english text, I think. The language otherwise moves between plain ('close the book', 'beautiful petals', 'she forgot everything the paper in front of her eyes') and mildly ecclesiatical ('commend my spirit' etc.), but nothing that really jives with a name like Earendil. Beyond that, I don't really see the allusion strengthening the content.
The last line: I can't swallow it. It's a little too easy. Maybe trite? A little less than satisfying. It doesn't seem to advance the text. Sails, yes, okay, so wind, but so far the sailor is the addressee without any mention of the speaker moving into the position of becoming a sailor that would 'wait for the wind' or any other kind of move. Any thoughts?