You've made your bed

You've made your bed,

Now lay in it.

I washed all my blankets this evening. They aren't dry yet.
It's time to sleep.

I keep telling God that I'll get my act together soon.
There's a new year coming and I want to be more disciplined.
I want to do more, to love you better.
To be efficient.
Somehow I know that tomorrow begins today,
But perhaps I'm not ready yet.

I'm not sure if I want to be a big star.
I suppose I'll never know if I don't write the songs.
I want to write the best songs.
But I don't want to write the crappy ones.
(that it takes to get there)

I want to find a girl I can love.
A girl that when she's around
There's no other one.
But since I can't decide,
Because I can't need someone who
Won't be around.
I'm just playing around,
Spinning wheels.

I want my cake, I want to eat it too.
I want to sin, and still feel you.
I want love, I want to be free.
But love costs everything.
The double-mind stays lonely.

You're a grown-up now,
You've made your bed,
Now sleep in it.
I'm not saying that things can't change,
But it's time to take responsibility.
Today is the only day you'll ever be able to change.
Today is the day I pray that I'll be saved.

Keep the Christ

As featured on my 25 Days of Christmas blog:  http://headpiecestraw.blogspot.com.

Keep the Christ

In Christmas, defend your right
to brashly bray
Your bumper-sticker beliefs.
Keep the baby in the manger.
Keep everything haloed, saran-wrapped, and safe.
Put on a brief bravado flag-wave of witness
Prove to others you're pious.

Really?

Keep the Christ
Out of your culture wars,
He doesn't care.
It's inane and tragic
that we've lost connection, listening,
understanding, to the point
We argue over whether we can speak our minds.
I say Merry Christmas,
if my friend misunderstands, I will apologize;
We will share a simple grace.
Other days, although Christ is just as imminent
I'll just say "have a good day."

Keep the Christ confined to
Christmas,
Keep the bastard "sell your stuff" "love your neighbors"
Jewish rabbi trashing display tables,
Far away from the bulletin board pageant festivals.
He'll probably complain about the music,
Ask uncomfortable questions,
And peep his little bald head into the middle of our horseshit,
Tell us to repent.

My heart aches for the homeless, the lonely,
the hopeless, the fatherless who, once caroled heavily,
Never see us again. But keep singing.

Presents, lights, carols, fire,
Wrappings, trappings, cookies, wires,
Readings, singing, giving, praying,
Sharing, family, hugs, and feasts,
Hospitality, despite our gluttonies,
I think we need more of all these things.
So don't let anyone dissuade you from taking part
If you're not feeling this Jesus thing.
Engage.

For me, I try
To believe, I try
To keep room in the inn, make the bed, stay up, stoke the coals,
Today, the day
Of His coming,
Of the wrecking,
My re-crucifixion,
My love's coming back,
The day God comes down
And we wait, we hope; we are terrified he might
Meet us, or ask us why we
Haven't changed, stuck in the garden,
Hiding behind hymnbooks and clichés.

The Incarnate Word

As posted previously at headpiecestraw.blogspot.com as part of my 25 Days of Christmas!


I. The Waiting

Light a candle for me, my sister,
Keep watch until burns down.
I am waiting for death,
I am waiting for heaven to drown
(the earth).

Light a candle for me, my sister,
Light a candle inside my hand,
Hope is still perching,
The silence is working,
Its way inside of me now.

Prayer is waiting;
Life is very long.

Oh that you would...
How would you,
How could you?
Come down.

The speech became carbon compounds.


Light a candle for me, my sister,
In case God comes down the chimney.
At least there'll be oil in the lamp.
At least in some way I'll be ready.


II. The Incarnate Word

Here
Our merry earth is pregnant
With divine sun,
Stars, skies, waters, eyes, creatures, hands,
Worry lines, the wind rests and curls
Inside, breathe it in, we spew it out.
You cannot be "a little" pregnant,
Overflowing, inconceivable, complex tapestries,
The mothering morning dew burning bright on my tongue.

The world outside is so inconceivable,
sometimes I can hardly speak.

I am lost in the beating drums,
The brilliant light of a thousand suns.
Blinded by brilliance and dull mental schemes,
Trying to sing in tune with streams,
Trying to dance like a dying leaf.

I used to wonder where you are
These days I can't find where you're not.

All that is beautiful and true--old violins,
tulip beds, my Father's hand--smells of
You, even with my hard heart, half-snuffed
spirit spark the music soars my soul,
my words undone. All around is being
born the suns of God, yellow hillsides
with upraised faces, shooting quasars sprouting
from the ground, wheat heavy for harvest,
ripe with weight of glory
that bends roots through earth, twists
air into tongues. Your tyger's voice growls
foundations, pulsing through
trembling earth, blowing wherever it will,
magma melting dross, all
must pass, our glass,
take this fire cup, in these hands, we
craft with creator-creativity
resound with deep sound--our simple
touch, spoken words, pregnant with power
to heal, cast down, to speak as
Angels, Holy Holy Here and Now.


III. The Triumphal Entry

And who is this, man of light? Burro-borne
Throw down your palms,
The word is out.
What immortal hand or eye
could frame...
Who is this in shepherd's sight,
The pious rough who see the shine
Choir-sung, into a stable,
God-spoke into a birth canal,
What invasion! Scandal!
God fraternizing with teenage girls and
Donkeys parked in muddy stalls.
Who is this? No Zeus, illumined,
Transfigured, rabbi man, who comes
Eating and drinking, lamb among
Wolves, lion among jackals, and contrary to the
Pictures, not even wearing a
Halo. What did we do to deserve this
Interruption? This
Full
Stop.

We have to let the game stop.

Saviour of Rome, Saviour of
worlds, comes bearing bread crusts and
parables to Zion. In my gut, his broken blood
germinates and grows, inside me, Holy weed,
Mustard seed, you shouldn't be here, no
you don't belong amongst the thorns,
I'll nail you into pieces of wood, send you
home. Cast the bread upon waters
because no dove could nest its
claws on my stone heart,
Would you, Could you? Coo away
this birdshit with a roar, cast out cobwebs.
Would you? Could you? Nest upon my heart and
Dove, purr your way into my
blood (diseased, unclean) and
shake it out, ruffle my
depths with your word
of peace.
You're just a baby.
Who is this?
What is this coming?

IV. Apple Turn-overs

Inside this human crust,
A warm oven, the tree lights in it, a Mother baking
Congeals something heavenly,
Timer beeps, carols sing,
Rolling over in the grave,
Light a candle for me, my sister,
Not a stone will be left unturned,
Careful you don't get burned,
Not a table be left unturned
When he comes to church.
My Father begins to read
the scriptures.
He has filled the hungry with good things
But the rich he has sent away empty.

V. The Voice

Prayer is waiting.

Yo sé que estás aquí.

Whisper me, knit me, form me, spit me:
Just for one touch, just for this love.
The collision of wind and mud.
The starter's cough, the starting line gun,
When particles collide, fusion lights
a fire inside--you prometheus,
with your torches in clay, what a
sight you've made!
Come rest your coals in this manger heart.
Murmur me, kiss me, breathe me, flip me:
Just for one touch, just for this love.
This cathedral of clasped hands and heartlines,
Mexcla of glass and colour,
Stained once, now run with blood
Compound of spirit with carbon.
Carry me, sing me, drown me, clean me:
Just for one touch,
Just for this love.

Light a candle in me, my lover,
I feel it when the rain comes down,
There's nowhere where you're not found, no,
So open me, have me, illumine, erase me,
Til in You I live and breathe and have my being.

I've always been in your hand.
I am wrecked in your grasp,
Crash on your sand;
may every breath

be scattered seas falling at your
shore. And will it such,
That more than just,
The places your fingerprints mar me, please,
Come back and hold me, kidnap me, enfold me
Forever inside your arms,
Come now.







Quotations (in italics):  T.S. Elliot "Hollow Men," Fleet Foxes, "Helpnessless Blues," mewithoutyou "Sun and Moon," William Blake "Tyger, Tyger," Rob Bell "Velvet Elvis,"  The Magnificat, The Bible.

My Little Pink Room

unpack, repack, throwaway, it's not so much the things as it is the memories,
my best intentions of using things
of not letting them go to waste...
that's devastating
untold stories. unlived dreams.

I don't have any keys on my ring,
still saving a ring for somebody.
A heavy bag, a border crossing.

unpack, shelve things, make a place, it's not so much
the work as it is the identities
my best intentions of all I might be

Nesting, twisted pink and purple blue blanket carpet on the floor
Pink walls smattered with pictures of the world, an American flag
I've written on, a "King and a Kingdom"
Scattered clothes, books on the shelf
I'm not sure quite where the heart is, but
For now, this is home.

The Fire People

We are the fire people,
Prometheus pyro, bound in flame,
Eyes sparked and shot through volcanoed
Spitting with jealousy, passion, rage, veins,
We are heat
Pressed against each other,
The exhaled breath on glass,
The motion, the energy, a million tiny
explosions running our being
Our acids, our fingers, our
hearts, burning.

"And why do we fall, Master Bruce?"

"Why do we fall Master Bruce?"

"weeping is cast"

Wishing well, fell, feel, I thought I had it under wraps,
This time, tossed in, hat ring, matador, matador,
All my bull
Shit here we are again, a single to left, missed the perfect game
And why do we play? Why do we play? Cast down.

Carnal, Val, party, er, "hi how's it going?" i.e. flames.
The inevitible. Cast die. Samson's destiny "Deli-
ghted to meet you," (because the thought of falling excites me...
Roller coasters, base jumping, skydiving,)
Masque mirror, it's just that feeling of freefall, that losing control,
Pegged the other pitcher to throw the perfect game, cast arm,
Because I couldn't take the flames. "What's it
like in New York City? I've never kissed someone like you."

Blame it on the atom, the random chance, "simple math"
the choice, the gravity, the falling, Eve with her
apple, as if we had a choice. Gored, the fatal wound
As if I could do things
different yet, it was always my choice,
knowing good (sunsets and morality).
No excuses, I do exist. I act. (take the fall for the foul)
Disenchanted.
"And why do we fall Master Bruce?"
"If there's no winning this war tonight, I was wondering..."
About the wages, the wages unpaid,
Who's checking the balances?
How much is too much for grace?

"Thought I was a good man
And fell short of my standards
And what am left with?"
Simple math
"And my first taste of freedom."

I am to ask forgiveness
("cross my arms across my chest,
this is not a gift I cannot accept, though
I appreciate the sentiment")

I am to ask forgiveness,
And the clay will speak to the potter thus,
"Yes, why thus?"
Do I not have that right?
If you would call me to account for my crimes.
I'll break a few more windows, just to see
things in this light.
"the truth cannot be fractioned."

I've heard the falling
points to a savior who
job done, still, must somehow show up,
and I must be convinced, and yet, unconvinced enough
To make the choice.
It's a hard sell.
Why do we fall?
So you can rescue us?
It was always my choice. And yet,
I was going to fall anyway.
Superhero God, author and actor
in the play, how is it so?
You must save me, (no you musn't, your
sovreign choices of pottery) you must save the
good ones (who is good?), you must save the ones
who believe (and who believes?). Help my unbelief.

Here I am, fallen.
Rescue me?
Thoughts aside, I'm still hoping, still praying,
like I did when I started,
That you'll save me from myself.
My addictions
That I don't know how to overcome.


All fall.
So we can learn...what?
Emptiness? Being without? Contrast?
Or perhaps, just so exists the possibility of
cosmic love, yes, "I know I'll find you there."
When I fall, I look up, but this time I don't feel you anymore,
Pharoah hardened his heart,
Can I press through, how long?
If joy is with the morning,
how long will it be in coming?

I'll leave the details to you.

If I could raise the sun,
If I could pick myself up,
I would've done it a long time ago.

And yet, there's no sense staying here
In stains and self-flagellation,
my dramatically staged tragedy.

Steps forward on knees,
Pilgrims hoping,
We fall down and
you'll show up.

Healer Close

Healer close to broken hearts
How do you feel so far?
The thing about broken hearts is,
They don't feel, I miss you here.

Father to the Fatherless,
I want to know where you are;
I can't be everywhere.
I can't do everything.
And I see it in their eyes.

To You who puts the needy in families
Could you make one for me?
I'm afraid I'll mess things up.
I don't want to fall in love.
Everything I have
is Yours.

Jealous, pursuing, yet quiet God,
How do you feel so far?
The thing about broken hearts is,
They don't give or receive love.
Heal me, open me up.